Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
