That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
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The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
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I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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