Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
