I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
