i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
