If that was your dad, he is hot
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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