hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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