She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
