he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
