I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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