apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
