atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
