Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
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just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
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do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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