Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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