I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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