singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
