he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
