I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
