somebody snuck up and got me drunk
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
