My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
