Princesses don't give blow jobs
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
