I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
