so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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