420 ftw
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
