new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
