I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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