dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
