I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
