are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
