3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
