You're my little dorito
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
