I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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