You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.