I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.