Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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