Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.