Texts From Last Night

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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.

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  (636): Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know. http://tfl.nu/4r5f
  Replies (37) Good night (2941) Bad night (648)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?

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  (573): how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain? http://tfl.nu/ptj1
  Replies (7) Good night (3313) Bad night (668)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.

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  (405): If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over. http://tfl.nu/i8gt
  Replies (10) Good night (748) Bad night (3719)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.

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  (904): i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night. http://tfl.nu/xd4f
  Replies (22) Good night (6619) Bad night (909)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism

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  (862): I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism http://tfl.nu/6czv
  Replies (8) Good night (3843) Bad night (1539)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.

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  (505): All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice. http://tfl.nu/9vs4
  Replies (9) Good night (2864) Bad night (1162)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably

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  (414): Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably http://tfl.nu/eax2
  Replies (6) Good night (1556) Bad night (2340)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.

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  (215): Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver. http://tfl.nu/plce
  Replies (8) Good night (2240) Bad night (621)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.

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  (614): You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song. http://tfl.nu/edyj
  Replies (10) Good night (1587) Bad night (614)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!

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  (570): ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin! http://tfl.nu/i1tl
  Replies (18) Good night (1589) Bad night (2259)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights

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  (617): I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights http://tfl.nu/d3p5
  Replies (6) Good night (2152) Bad night (625)
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  (562): View more from California

  Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.

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  (562): Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid. http://tfl.nu/2ztg
  Replies (23) Good night (2108) Bad night (1042)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.

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  (203): You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you. http://tfl.nu/720l
  Replies (9) Good night (1456) Bad night (929)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY

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  (717): WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY http://tfl.nu/nywf
  Replies (2) Good night (617) Bad night (319)
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  (707): View more from California

  I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?

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  (707): I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going? http://tfl.nu/srmm
  Replies (6) Good night (294) Bad night (719)

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