i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.