I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
4 words: hood of his car
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
