i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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