Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
