She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
