i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
