Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize