My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
