We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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