plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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