i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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