Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
