you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
