yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
