I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize