Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
