i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
false alarm, still single
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
