i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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