Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
