Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
