my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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