I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
