dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
