planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
