he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
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Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
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Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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