I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
