You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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